“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.”
amen joseph conrad. at this point, i am less than impressed with the majority of men. and by majority i mean all, save perhaps a handful - i'm being generous - which includes my father and mr. darcy (bbc version.) as the latter is a fictional character, the current situation leaves much to be desired.
i'm looking into the remaining matriarchal communities. there's one in southeast china that's looking prettty prettty nice right about now.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
discomfort part II
i learned today from one of my bosses that the neighborhood's president, upon hearing what happened to me yesterday, called her. he told my boss that he thought the best thing would be if i vacated the house immediately. while the incident itself played a part in the situation, what was really discussed were complaints by my neighbors regarding three things. since i can't go at my neighbors, however sorely i'm tempted, let me vent a bit here.
1. the dogs. i love dogs, it's true. one thing that makes me tremendously unhappy here is the condition of dogs in this country. therefore, i feed them crackers and anything else i can scrounge up. contrary to what seems to be popular belief, i did not bring the dogs to india with me. when i arrived in this country, in this state, in my particular neighborhood, there were numerous street dogs wandering around. while i recognize that many people do not like the dogs around, at this point i see two valid options. one is to shoot the dogs (or poison them, like a program implemented in srinigar.) another is to take better care of them (feed them, spay/neuter them, maybe even go crazy and throw in a sprinkling of medicine ) as i am, for all intents and purposes, a pacifist, and perhaps more relevant in these circumstances, a dog lover, i opt for the second choice. i stand by my actions, apologize if it offends people, and can only suggest that increasing one's respect and consideration for other living creatures will only bring happiness.
2. the water tap. in the beginning, i didn't understand the water tap. this i fully admit. but by and by i got the hang of it. on in the evening, off when i get up in the morning. this way, the water tank on the roof is full for the day and i have water to wash dishes, clean my clothes, and take cold showers. but here's the thing. even when i turn the tap off, water still comes out of the drain. even when - because i think that maybe the water tank already has plenty of water - i don't turn the tap on at night, water is still spewing out come morning. and so, i apologize to my neighbors for the overflow of water. i personally don't feel this warrants a complaint to the neighborhood's president, but i guess my priorities are a bit different from those of my neighbors.
3. having guests over. yep. i've had some male friends over. i've also had my sister stay over. and i've had my parents who were visiting. if that's offensive to the point of complaining, i guess i have to just say shove it. the fact that i can have males in my house without them inappropriately touching me should empower me, not offend others. but i guess it does.
and so, once again:
shove it.
and p.s. i'm a young woman, from a completely different country, trying to get by and do some good work at the same time. throw me a frickin bone here people. give me a break.
1. the dogs. i love dogs, it's true. one thing that makes me tremendously unhappy here is the condition of dogs in this country. therefore, i feed them crackers and anything else i can scrounge up. contrary to what seems to be popular belief, i did not bring the dogs to india with me. when i arrived in this country, in this state, in my particular neighborhood, there were numerous street dogs wandering around. while i recognize that many people do not like the dogs around, at this point i see two valid options. one is to shoot the dogs (or poison them, like a program implemented in srinigar.) another is to take better care of them (feed them, spay/neuter them, maybe even go crazy and throw in a sprinkling of medicine ) as i am, for all intents and purposes, a pacifist, and perhaps more relevant in these circumstances, a dog lover, i opt for the second choice. i stand by my actions, apologize if it offends people, and can only suggest that increasing one's respect and consideration for other living creatures will only bring happiness.
2. the water tap. in the beginning, i didn't understand the water tap. this i fully admit. but by and by i got the hang of it. on in the evening, off when i get up in the morning. this way, the water tank on the roof is full for the day and i have water to wash dishes, clean my clothes, and take cold showers. but here's the thing. even when i turn the tap off, water still comes out of the drain. even when - because i think that maybe the water tank already has plenty of water - i don't turn the tap on at night, water is still spewing out come morning. and so, i apologize to my neighbors for the overflow of water. i personally don't feel this warrants a complaint to the neighborhood's president, but i guess my priorities are a bit different from those of my neighbors.
3. having guests over. yep. i've had some male friends over. i've also had my sister stay over. and i've had my parents who were visiting. if that's offensive to the point of complaining, i guess i have to just say shove it. the fact that i can have males in my house without them inappropriately touching me should empower me, not offend others. but i guess it does.
and so, once again:
shove it.
and p.s. i'm a young woman, from a completely different country, trying to get by and do some good work at the same time. throw me a frickin bone here people. give me a break.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
dealing with discomfort
i was recently in a situation where i was extremely uncomfortable. to make a long story short, i was talking with a man (or trying to, as he was speaking gujarati and i was speaking english,) and he touched me inappropriately. very inappropriately. after i shouted NO, i slammed the door in his face.
i felt angry and frustrated and embarrassed and hurt. i shared the story with pratima, my friend and coworker. she asked a couple of questions in her broken english to make sure she understood what happened. and then "chelo." let's go. pratima, sunita (another coworker,) and i walked down the street to find the man or to find my neighborhood's president to whom we would report the incident.
we didn't have far to go before we spotted the man. he sweeps my streets and we have always exchanged friendly hellos and kem-chos (how are you in gujarati.) this time wasn't so friendly. before i knew it, pratima was on him, all her 80 pounds, kicking him, hitting him, ripping his shirt. a friend of hers, a young guy who helps the office with their wiring, was nearby and, upon hearing what had happened, jumped in, delivering a couple of serious slaps to the guy's face.
i didn't know quite what to make of this. i have watched people stone someone before - the man was a driver who had caused a crash and killed people. an unbelievably horrible thing to watch, much more so than what happened this morning. and yet this morning was also painfully complex for me. i know that this is inappropriate behavior. these small things enrage me just as much as blatant disregard for treating women with respect. i should be made to feel uncomfortable because i'm a woman? no part of that is okay. and there is still another part of me that feels badly. i feel bad that this guy, someone who obviously doesn't have much, now has one less shirt to wear. i feel bad that he was publicly humiliated (even as i know what he did was wrong, that he wasn't actually hurt, and there weren't that many people around.)
but perhaps what really gets to me is something far more simple. i now question someone whom i once thought was kind and genuine. and that, quite simply, makes me very very sad.
i felt angry and frustrated and embarrassed and hurt. i shared the story with pratima, my friend and coworker. she asked a couple of questions in her broken english to make sure she understood what happened. and then "chelo." let's go. pratima, sunita (another coworker,) and i walked down the street to find the man or to find my neighborhood's president to whom we would report the incident.
we didn't have far to go before we spotted the man. he sweeps my streets and we have always exchanged friendly hellos and kem-chos (how are you in gujarati.) this time wasn't so friendly. before i knew it, pratima was on him, all her 80 pounds, kicking him, hitting him, ripping his shirt. a friend of hers, a young guy who helps the office with their wiring, was nearby and, upon hearing what had happened, jumped in, delivering a couple of serious slaps to the guy's face.
i didn't know quite what to make of this. i have watched people stone someone before - the man was a driver who had caused a crash and killed people. an unbelievably horrible thing to watch, much more so than what happened this morning. and yet this morning was also painfully complex for me. i know that this is inappropriate behavior. these small things enrage me just as much as blatant disregard for treating women with respect. i should be made to feel uncomfortable because i'm a woman? no part of that is okay. and there is still another part of me that feels badly. i feel bad that this guy, someone who obviously doesn't have much, now has one less shirt to wear. i feel bad that he was publicly humiliated (even as i know what he did was wrong, that he wasn't actually hurt, and there weren't that many people around.)
but perhaps what really gets to me is something far more simple. i now question someone whom i once thought was kind and genuine. and that, quite simply, makes me very very sad.
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