Late Fragment, Raymond Carver

And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.

musings on my office life, part I

in a land where coffee (for better or worse,) relinquishes its title to chai, the variations of this sweet, creamy, spice-infused tea are endless and, more often than not, delightful. subtleties that exist between different chai wallas in my town become more pronounced from state to state. spicier chai predominates in the south, where bold kicks of cardamom match jolts of cinnamon which in turn draw out the layered flavors of nutmeg. as one travels further north, the sweeter the chai. heaping spoonfuls of sugar tame the spices. still full of flavor, this version is more soothing (at least to those with my level of sweet tooth.) i’m ready to drink this remarkably versatile variety throughout the day - before breakfast, during midday breaks, even as dessert. or to be completely honest, with dessert. regardless of one’s geographical location, regardless of the sugar to spice ratio, good chai is one thing that seems to be a constant throughout india.

except in my office. the poor quality of chai in my office is impressive in its own right. it doesn’t always taste the same – the amount of sugar and spices vary. it is just unfailingly bad. the chai ranges from tasting like bland, sweet breakfast tea on the best of days to lukewarm, watered-down skim milk on the verge of going rancid. there is no designated chai maker at my office. and truthfully, even if there were one, i’m not sure whom i would pick.

veersing, our driver/handyman, makes the chai, if he shows up to work (he was absent 13 days last month,) and if he feels like it. when he does, about half the time it turns out as bland, sweet, breakfast tea. the rest of the time it hovers around the middle of the scale. when minaxi (who doesn’t believe that sugar belongs in chai,) goes to task, it almost always errs toward a lackluster, watered-down, skim milk taste. when she makes chai, i immediately think to myself that i would rather just have boiling water, which might at least be somewhat beneficial for my health. but of course i can’t say that, and so instead i reach for the sugar to add a couple of healthy teaspoons, much to minaxi’s bemusement. and then there’s pratima, a close friend of mine at the office. pratima likes to add tulsi, a local herb which i’ve recently discovered is a very strong type of basil, that she insists is good for stress and a blood purifier. she is quite resourceful, a quality i generally admire. but not, I’ve realized, when it comes to chai. pratima looks around, finding and adding whatever spice she can get her hands on. so, when a visitor brought some home-grown ginger to the office recently, pratima was delighted. grating the ginger zealously, she added what looked to be half a cupful. this, along with the tulsi, was a powerful enough combination to turn the milk rancid, if not in actuality, then at least in taste.

i’m not comfortable enough here yet to point out the deficiencies of the office chai. i’m not sure i’ll ever be. instead, i accept the chai that is brought to me daily at 11 and again at 4 with a meek smile and a reach for the sugar (or splenda, if i feel like treating myself.) and i make it a point to sample the wonderfully delectable varieties from the numerous chai stands on the street corners whenever i’m out and about.

my sister came to visit

my sister laura came to visit a couple of weeks ago. she stayed for two weeks, and while it was very stressful for me, it was also wonderful.

i've been thinking about how to write about her visit, how to do justice to this relation of mine who is overwhelmingly complicated, confusing, and frustrating. and, at the same time, comfortably familiar, hysterically funny, and has proven to be an excellent companion when things get rough.

i'm still not sure how. but i was gently reminded by my sister that something should be posted.

a (complete) email i received from her this morning:

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Oppenheim, Laura to me

show details 12:18 PM (4 hours ago)

Reply

or, at least, update your blog with a mention of me in it (ie. . my sister came to visit. .. )

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so, in lieu of a thorough note, or perhaps just while i collect my thoughts some more, please see the pictures i have posted (to the left, under 'lovely laura's look around') from her visit.